


Can’t Stop

by essencede



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Artist! Catra, Catra Needs A Hug, Catra draws Adora instead of dealing with her issues, F/F, Jock! Adora, Lesbian Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Catra, angsty catra
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28201521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/essencede/pseuds/essencede
Summary: She can’t keep doing this. It’s not healthy. She hates her.She can’t stop drawing Adora. The one who suggested she continued to draw. Supported her. Complimented her. Stole supplies for her.“You need her. You rely on her. You’re nothing without her,” Shadow Weaver’s voice echoes in her mind, making her hands shake.Adora. The one who left her.The one who took everything from her. Made her face that witch alone.The one who broke her damn heart.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i had an idea for artist catra so here i am.

“Fuck,” Catra mutters to herself as she finishes her sketch.

She stares at her cracked phone screen, zoomed in on the blonde from a picture she took from her social media. She groans and tosses her phone on her bed.

She can’t keep doing this. It’s not healthy. She hates her. 

She can’t stop drawing Adora. The one who suggested she continued to draw. Supported her. Complimented her. Stole supplies for her.

“You need her. You rely on her. You’re nothing without her,” Shadow Weaver’s voice echoes in her mind, making her hands shake. 

Adora. The one who left her. 

The one who took everything from her. Made her face that witch alone.

The one who broke her damn heart.

She hates Adora, despises her, she’s sure she does. That’s why she thinks about her so much. It’s all hate. That’s all it is. 

That’s what she tells herself anyway. It’s better than admitting she misses her. If she misses her so much, why does she ignore her? Besides, Adora’s desperate messages leave Catra annoyed and angry. They leave her confused. They make her heart hurt. They’ve left her curled up in her bed, shaky hands clutching her phone, bright screen reflected in her glassy eyes, tear tracks running down her cheeks.

She can admit though, that she did love Adora at one point. They were best friends. Adora used to block her from Shadow Weaver attacks, yelling back at their guardian. And when Adora got a bad grade, Catra did the same. Though, Adora was always in much less danger. They were a team. They relied on one another. When one of them was sad or injured, the other was always there to help. They relied on the other kids too, but at the end of the day, it was always the two of them. Stars, Catra slept at the foot of her bed for years. Her own bunk was practically untouched. 

They dreamt about escaping that house together. They’d go to college together, if they could. If they got lucky enough. If they didn’t get lucky enough, they’d be roommates. They wouldn’t be without each other. Always side by side. That was their dream. Their goal. Their promise.

That didn’t happen. It’s not going to happen. The promise was broken, shattered into a million pieces with both their hands. Adora left, but now that Adora tries to contact her, Catra ignores it. It’s too much. Catra can’t manage to text back but she can manage to draw and paint that face almost every day. Looking at her own image of those eyes is much better than looking at the real thing. She doesn’t know how to handle the real thing yet. She just got out of Weaver’s. She’s still getting over Adora and learning how to not be codependent.

She grips her sketchbook with shaky hands, studying her rough sketch. She’s been drawing Adora for years. Her first drawings were of Adora. Adora loved to be her model when she could, even though the girl could never sit still. Catra loved to draw her, even if it was difficult. 

Now, looking back, it’s cool to see Adora age in the drawings. It's also neat to see her progress over time. As time passes, the more detail is present. The more the drawings resemble the blonde. It’s cool and she’s grateful for these pictures, but man does it sting. 

Now all she has of Adora are these damn drawings, the paintings, and the sketches. And these feelings. Jealousy. Hatred. Any negative feeling, she feels it toward her. Yet she can’t stop scrolling through her social media, taking a screenshot of one of her pictures and recreating it herself. It stings. It stings so bad to see Adora so happy without her, as if nothing has changed, but Catra keeps doing it to herself. She keeps looking. She keeps drawing. She keeps ignoring the messages.

She remembers falling in love with Adora. It wasn’t just one moment; it was their whole childhood. It was the little moments: snuggling as they fell asleep, Adora sneaking her pencils and paper from the school, treating each other’s wounds, whispering secrets to one another at night. She remembers realizing her feelings for Adora and how much it scared her.

What if Adora found out? What if this changed things forever? What if she left her because of them? 

Well, it didn’t matter in the end. Adora left her. And here they are. Both living in the same city as adults. They’re not living together. It’s the opposite of what they wanted as children. They don’t even have the same friend group. Their only contact is through social media, a like from one party (usually Adora). Adora sends messages occasionally but Catra can’t reply. 

She paces around her studio apartment, trying to rid herself of her frustration. Her tail thrashes and her ears pin back. She takes a deep breath and walks over to her bed, grabbing her phone. She turns it on and types in her password. Her eyes meet Adora’s smiling face and she quickly swipes away, muttering a curse. She looks up flowers for a reference photo. She scrolls and scrolls, having drawn a lot of them before. Lots and lots of roses, she notices. Eventually, she finds one she likes and walks over to her desk, flipping to the next page of her sketchbook as quickly as she can and starts again. 

The flowers are pretty. She’s sketching in black and white but every time her eyes dart back to the picture, she wonders how they’ll look in Adora’s hair, the light pink and purple against her blonde locks. She groans aloud. This distraction isn’t distracting enough. 

She can usually trust art to help with her problems, but with Adora, nothing seems to work. No matter what, she can’t escape her.

And she’s not sure if she wants to escape her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora’s perspective.

Adora presses send. Her finger shakes after doing so, continuing to hover over the keyboard. She should stop. She really should, but she can’t. She can’t give up on Catra, on everything they had. She may have left her, but it wasn’t her choice. Her older sister found her and adopted her. It’s not her fault. She begged for Mara to take both of them but that just didn’t happen. Mara barely got by with just the two of them, adding Catra to the mix was unrealistic. Still, Adora tried. Adora begged. With reddened eyes and flushed cheeks with tear stains, she cried and begged. But it didn’t work out. They could still contact each other at least. They had cell phones. There were ways to stay in contact.

They were best friends. They’ve survived worse under Weaver’s roof. Everything would be fine.

Everything seemed fine at first. Catra had issues and arguments over it. They managed though. After a tense month, it seemed fine. Until Adora decided to go to Bright Moon Academy instead of Horde High. It was closer to where Mara lived and she was more likely to go to a good college. From there, she could get a good job and make it up to Mara. They wouldn’t have to struggle anymore. She could reunite with Catra too, she hoped.

It didn’t work out like that. She pitched the idea to Catra, though she was already set on it. She was just informing Catra at that point. Nobody, not even Catra could deter her. Catra tried to though. Catra finally broke, saying that Adora truly did want to leave her behind.

They argued and argued. Reddened cheeks. Tears. Lots of tears. A thrashing tail. Yelling. Voices cracked. Adora begged for Catra to just listen to her. She tried to grab her hands, hold onto her best friend, but Catra ripped her hands away. Catra hissed and pulled away. 

It didn’t work out.

“Just leave, Adora. I know you fucking want to.”

“Catra—“

“Leave!”

“Please, I-I don—“

“Stop fucking lying to me!” Catra left after that. 

They stopped talking after sophomore year, though Adora desperately reached out. She called, texted and she tried to meet Catra one day after school. Bright Moon ended just thirty minutes before Horde High, so Adora sprinted there. The encounter just led to one big blowup. Then there were more fights and finally, Catra started ignoring her. No more angry texts in response. When Adora tried to see her best friend again, Catra didn’t look back and just ran. 

Now, here Adora is, still texting Catra. Once a week to once every two weeks. Not too much but not too little. It’s the same reaction every time though. Being left on read. Every. Single. Time. 

Some part of Adora is mad and the rest of her is just heartbroken. 

Blue eyes scan her room for the painting. The one bit of Catra she has left. It’s a small painting, the size of printer paper. It’s of Adora, Catra’s favorite subject. Catra once called her her muse. Adora doubts it’s that way now. 

She glances back to her message. Read.

She sighs. She’s definitely not Catra’s muse anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora finds Catra’s art account.

“Adora…” Glimmer chastises her gently, nudging her in the side.

Bow, Glimmer, Adora, Perfuma and Scorpia all sit in the Best Friend Squad’s apartment. They sit around the coffee table; Bow and sit Glimmer on one side; Adora sits on another, back to the couch while the other couple sits on the other side. 

“Hey, I’m just wondering,” she defends herself before pouting. She turns back to Scorpia. “Please, just tell me how Catra’s doing. I have literally no way of knowing. You don’t even have to tell me much. Just tell me she’s drawing. Gimme something!” 

Scorpia tilts her head a little, bringing a claw to her chin. Perfuma rubs her back gently. “Fine, I’ll give you that. She’s drawing. She draws cartoons and realistic stuff.” Scorpia holds back from mentioning the fact that Catra constantly draws Adora; if it’s not daily, it’s weekly at least.

“She does it very often too,” her perky blonde girlfriend adds. 

“She has an art account where she posts her stuff and she makes some money off it. It keeps her happy and I think she’s made some friends from it, but she’s kinda private about it. I follow it though.” Scorpia shrugs.

“Can I see it?” Adora asks, her blue eyes lighting up, sparkling like a midnight sky. She musters up her best puppy eyes, which make Scorpia cover hers with a claw.

“Adora, are you sure?” Glimmer asks her again, lightly grabbing onto her friend’s arm. 

“Please, I just want to see. I promise I won’t follow her or anything.” The puppy eyes continue. Everyone can see the truth in words too.

“You better not,” Scorpia grumbles with a huff.

“I think it’ll help Adora get it out of her system, honey. She’s just worried about her old friend,” Perfuma adds quietly.

“Agreed,” Bow blurts, making Glimmer sigh and shake her head.

“Okay, alright,” Scorpia gives in, grabbing her phone from her pocket. She struggles to get into it for a moment, typing her password into it too quickly.

With each second, Adora becomes more and more impatient. The suspense is killing her. Glimmer notices the way she fidgets with excitement and smiles.

She doesn’t approve of Catra and the way she treated Adora for things out of her hands, but if seeing the girl’s art will make Adora happy, she doesn’t have any issues—okay, maybe a few, but she’ll stay quiet and support her best friend. 

Finally, Scorpia pulls up the art account and lets Adora explore. While Adora promised she wouldn’t follow the account, she commits it to memory. She doesn’t need to follow it to still check up on it every once in a while. She scrolls through the posts, seeing art similar to the last pieces of art Adora has seen from her. She notices that Scorpia has liked all the posts as she scrolls. Many of them are on sketchbook paper. The colors have gotten much better though. Overall, the quality is better. She probably got some better supplies, being out of Shadow Weaver’s house and all. She notices some digital art too, something she’s never seen from Catra before. She smiles at the sight. All her digital art is full of cartoons, some she recognizes from childhood and the others are originals from Catra. Her style is really cute, in Adora’s opinion, but the colors are darker. There’s more blues, reds, blacks and purples. She really likes it though; it screams Catra. It’s really pretty too, like Catra.

She doesn’t notice Glimmer looking over shoulder until she hears, “Wow, she’s talented,” in her ear. She almost jumps and drops the phone, but her hold remains steady and she continues to scroll.

After a few minutes, she’s looked at all the pictures. She wishes she could’ve looked at all of them longer, but it would be rude to be hogging Scorpia’s phone for an hour, so she hands it back over.

Luckily for her, she has the username memorized for later. 

“Her art is even better than the stuff she made back when I knew her,” Adora says fondly, earning smiles from the couples around her.

“Well, without Weaver around, she can really get into art. I’m so happy I got her that laptop for her birthday. That’s how she makes the digital art you saw, but she still loves the paper stuff,” Scorpia says fondly, scrolling through the images herself. 

“I’m glad,” the blonde replies, blue eyes full of love.

Perfuma almost coos but holds back the sound. She makes eye contact with Bow, who looks like he’s in the same boat, covering his mouth and all. They share a nod. Silently to herself, Perfuma hopes someday the girls make up. She knows that Catra draws Adora often, and many times, she’s found herself watching Adora yearn after her lost friend. Maybe someday soon they’ll be reunited and if they don’t end up fixing things, they can both get the closure they clearly need.

“But you won’t follow the account, right?” Scorpia checks, raising an eyebrow and losing her smile. She drops her phone, the device falling into her lap.

“I promise,” Adora assures.

***

“Hey, Mar,” Adora greets her sister when she picks up the phone.

“Hey, what’s going on?” her sister replies. Adora can hear her sister moving around, probably cleaning the kitchen or something. 

“You know that old instagram of yours?” Adora asks.

“Yeah, what about it?” She hears her sister pause her movement.

“Could I have it?”

“What for? You stirring up trouble over there?”

Adora scoffs. “Pfft. No.” She waves her hand, though her sister can’t see it.

“So, what d’ya need it for?” 

“Promise not to laugh.” Adora feels her cheeks flush. She’s grateful her sister can’t see it.

“I promise, ‘Dor.” Her sister’s voice is gentle, maybe even laced with a hint of concern. 

“I want to follow Catra’s art account on it and I can’t use my main, obviously, and I don’t feel like making up some new account. Plus, I’m really bad at lying and I feel like she’ll know it’s me.

“You guys really should talk…” Mara comments, more concerned than amused. “I know how much you miss her.”

“Then you know how badly I need this account.” 

“Well, good for you. Change the profile picture and you should be good. My face isn’t anywhere else on the profile and neither is my full name. Keep it private though and keep all the posts, and it should look like a real account. You can also use my name, I doubt she knows it,” Mara gives in.

“Really?” Adora’s face lights up and she jumps out of her position from laying on the bed.

“Of course. Just don’t be stupid with it.” 

“Thank you! I love you!”

Mara chuckles. “Love you too. I’ll text you the login info.” She sighs. “Well, sorry, Adora, but I gotta go continue cleaning. I’ll call you after, ‘kay?”

“‘Kay! Bye!”

“Bye.”

A few seconds later, Adora’s phone buzzes with all the info from Mara. She quickly logs into the account and gets rid of the profile photo of Mara and makes it a screenshot from an anime she watched with Catra as a kid. Being into art, Catra was always into that stuff. Adora pouts at the memory. She does one last look through the account, making sure it’s private and that there’s no proof it’s her sister’s account, before typing in Catra’s username. 

She clicks on the profile and hovers over the follow button. She takes a deep breath in. A deep breath out.

And presses follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, so this is becoming a thing. i’m wondering if i should go and add more details to these chapters or keep them short. please lemme know! and thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if you want more of this universe. thanks for reading!


End file.
